The Fallout

Friday after all that shit went down, I had to go out at night to a Rehearsal Dinner for my Uncle’s wedding. I was playing viola for one song when the bridesmaids walked down the aisle. So i went to that and left my boyfriend and daughter at home. The neighbors were all outside drinking in the driveway (as usual) when I left. I got home at 9pm to a dark house, nobody was here. I had expected my daughter to be in bed. Nope. I texted my boyfriend to see where he was. Can you guess? He had run right over to hang out with the neighbors. So we did end up getting into a small fight, but I never told him about his loyalty. I have that like a wound in my heart. I did ask him what he thought about all of the ‘lawn spraying’ stuff and he played Devil’s Advocate as usual, telling me that I had hurt their feelings and how they had felt and how harsh i’m being. He did, finally, end up telling me that it actually did bother him that they are going to spray their lawn. Of course, I’ll be the bad guy. But if he can’t at least show people that he stands behind me, what is the f*#king point??? And usually the issue is protecting our daughter from harmful chemicals.

Sometimes in this quest I am on, this stand I have taken, I come up against people who really want to push their agenda on me, on us. Doesn’t that seem weird? i just want to be left alone, but there are people who actively try to push their chemicals on us. My boyfriend’s parents smoke, but they also refuse to stop smoking around our daughter. They think it is their choice, which it is, but i’m not going to actively put our daughter into that situation. Do you know how bad cigarette smoke is for kids? Second hand smoke is actually worse than 1st hand, and Third hand smoke is actually the worst. Third hand? Who has ever heard of that? Well, that’s the smoke that lingers in the air or sticks to your clothing.  It causes ear infections, lung infections, allergies, asthma, skin problems, of course cancers, etc. It can cause children’s cells’ DNA to change and grow abnormally, which can obviously cause many many problems.

But here is my point; I know that I am doing the right thing, but sometimes I get so tired of fighting every single person. My bf is always telling me that I’m too harsh, that I’m not forgiving, that I should just ‘let it go’ and I get so f*#king sick of it. Do you know how much I have to ‘let go’ every single day? Do you know how hard it is raising a child chemical free when every single person around you uses as many chemicals as possible?  I feel really alone. 

I’m not sure what to do about the neighbors. She did tell my boyfriend that she’s ‘not mad at me.’ I was like, wow. thanks. YOU’RE not mad at ME. YOU’re the one that wants to poison my daughter and whose friend INSULTED me on fb, but YOU’re not mad at ME. Gosh, thanks! That’s so sweet. [Her friend pulled up last night and i was thinking that I should go out and ‘harass’ her car- maybe i should teach her what the word ‘harass’ means… but i was good. I didn’t do crap but stomp around here, wasting good energy on a bad person as usual.]

All I want to do is protect my family and the Earth. Why TF is that so hard to understand???PREM over and out.