TAke It AWay

So… I have crossed my own “too much” line lately. My body is in revolt.

I have been trying to give up sugar. Sugar is awful for you, mostly processed, toxic, and trashes your moods, hormones, etc. But i am a frickin addict. I need a meeting, seriously. I have been known to sit down and eat an entire bag of sour gummy worms in one sitting. I remember vacations and parties by my candy of choice for that period of time. A certain trip to Wisconsin reminds me of Pixie Stix. Junior High is Tart and Tinys. Softball is Wacky Wafers (which they don’t make any more, incidentally- i’ve searched and searched). Now, granted, it has been a long while since I have sat and polished off a pound of hard candy. I have really really slowed down in the past year. Having a child really makes you account for everything you say and do, and I can’t say, “No, you can’t have that!” and then sit there and eat it later. WRONG!!! (Although, I can remember my own mother doing that to me-maybe that’s where my addiction started?!?)   ANYWAYS…

I have been giving a lot of things up in the past few years, and I think sugar might be just toooooo much. It started when I quit drinking soda about 8? years ago. I was a diet soda-aholic. I was Queen Diet Coke. I would have a 32 oz. soda for breakfast. I drank at least a 6 pack a day. Then I read that caramel color was bad for you, and then I started thinking about soda and how disgusting it looks. I mean seriously, brown soda looks like sludge. You can pour it on your car battery and it eats away the rust and acid. Really?!? And then i put that into my body? Seems like a bad idea. So i had to wean myself off of it. Then I quit smoking. Sad, sad times. Then I quit chemical cleaners (though i still adore the smell of comet. sigh.). Then I quit meat (which actually was the easiest thing for me). But see you get the idea. I have tried to quit makeup and hair dye, too… yeah, that’s not workin’ out so good, either. Makeup is easiest because there are natural replacements. And being a stay-at-home mom… well, let’s just say i don’t wear it much anyways. What’s the point? Hair dye is a hard one, too. i tried henna and it drives me insane. It is cool putting green thick glop on your head, and it makes my hair so healthy and natural, but so far, the color leaves me wanting. I do love a good purple. Purple henna? Not so much. Maybe if i threw some blueberries into the henna…     Ok i am losing my train…

So I’m still working on the hair dye. I tried synthetic dreadlocks for color, and that way I could leave my natural hair color and change dreads all the time and have whatever color i want, but I am allergic to them. It is also like trying to sleep on a bail of hay- not super comfy. Not condusive to sleeping, especially as I can’t sleep anyways. So now I am considering real dreads. I could put extensions on with colors on the tips of my own hair. I just don’t want to look like a hippy. No offense, but I really prefer the goth dread look. Hair is an accessory- it should be different colors.

But sugar… i love it. Since I’ve given it up i feel like I have given up everything. I feel like there is nothing to wake up for. My mouth is so bored I think my tongue has packed its bags and left. I’m not even craving sugar anymore, it just feels… empty. lonely. I’ve tried honey and yogurt and other things to give my mouth something to look forward to, but nothing works. Of course i’m also feeling better, no headaches, no afternoon energy crashes… Interesting. Such a trade off. So I don’t know. I guess I just push on. Maybe I can get addicted to something else that I won’t have to take away. But what the hell is left, seriously?!? Salsa? cocoa powder? sniffing baking soda?

punkrockearthmother sad.