Category: MOM Words

Every Little Thing She does is Magic

mwah. Kisses to you. I’ve been away so long and totally missed this blog, but never touched it. I don’t know why. I think my negative word vomit from those last posts really turned me off from writing anymore. Which is stupid, since I could’ve just erased them. They were my dang words after all. I annoy myself sometimes.

So what’s been happening with me? I had a baby over a year ago and she is super clingy, super attached to mom baby. I can’t leave the room. But I’ll get into that later. Tryin to stay positive here.
We also moved halfway across the country. I had never been to colorado before, but now I find myself here and loving it. It’s a little more hippie than I would like, I think, but that also means I find crunchy types that understand that side of me. And that’s awesome. It was so frickin hard being in the Midwest and trying to maintain that chem-free lifestyle. I was like that crazy stinky homeless hippie that people try to ignore on the street. People just assumed that I was batshit crazy and ignored me. (You saw the old blog posts!) I had a constant anger issue with my kid’s school because they just kept feeding her junk even though I asked them countless times to knock it off. It caused me many sweaty, angry, sleepless nights. BUT here I am in kinda crunchy colorado and I’m ok. People get it here. They love local. They love gluten free. They love, well no, they don’t love vegans, but they offer them sustenance and leave them alone.   And the mountains are amazing. Every single day. Wow!! And there are chiropractors and acupuncturists and TCM practitioners crawling out of the woodwork. I love that. And everyone here has tattoos. It’s actually kinda crazy because I’m not expecting it. Love it.

But mostly I’m just getting by. Not sleeping because the lil wingnut won’t sleep at night. Not doing much because the lil wingnut won’t let me. I think I’ve showered alone 3 times since she’s been born. Yikes. Any other moms out there?? I just try to keep in mind that it’ll get better. It’s my mantra. It’ll get better and I need to appreciate this baby time while it’s here, because I WILL miss it. Someday. She is super cute! But sooo hard. Zzzzzzz I’m falling asleep on myself. Good night, sleep tight. Hope you all get more than two hours at a stretch, unlike me.

breakin’ the law

Taking my daughter to the ‘natural doctor’ today. She is soooo allergic to cats and it has gotten out of hand. My friend has cats and was sitting in our car in the front with my daughter in the back seat behind her, and my daughter started sneezing and her nose began to run.  Because she was in the same car as someone with cats. Yikes. This natural doctor is technically a chiropractor with other fields of study such as nutrition and acupuncture. Hopefully homeopathy, too. It is out of pocket since they don’t take most insurance, so it’ll be expensive. I wonder how these doctors can even make a living. I would love to become a naturopath, but they’re not even licensed in most states. Most insurance won’t cover ‘natural’ treatments, and the universities aren’t even offered federal student aid. Trust me, i have looked into it.

I’ve been feeling guilty, like our chem-free lifestyle has somehow created an allergy within my daughter. Or something she eats has made her so allergic. She was fine with cats until about last year at this time. My mother lived with us and she has two cats. But suddenly, one day, my daughter started coughing when she was around the cats, and then she started getting puffy, and it became bad within a week. It is so strange. Luckily we were moving out at that time, and so we are now cat free, but she can’t even be in my mom’s house any more than a few minutes. Yesterday we had to go over and she was inside the house for no more than 10 minutes. She must’ve touched something and then touched her eye, because her eyelids swelled and got purple and it looked like she had gotten punched.  But she never coughed, though, which is what she usually does. So that was strange.
I just think our society is so messed up. We can’t even choose the way we heal. We are pretty much forced by insurance companies and by pharmaceutical companies to go with medications and medical doctors that will only choose that route. I am so against all of that. I know that my daughter’s doctor would just tell me to give her Benedryl or offer some time of shot or medication. They would never ask about her nutrition or lifestyle. Nutrition can cure at least 90% of all ailments. No joke. But typical western medical doctors don’t have to learn anything about nutrition-they usually take 1 semester or less of nutrition. Crazy, huh? Other countries heal with nutrition. Ours ‘heals’ with drugs that tend to make us more sick and break something else within our body. They want us sick and broken and tied to some medication forever. Unhealthy America.

off the soapbox for the day. over and out.

The Fallout

Friday after all that shit went down, I had to go out at night to a Rehearsal Dinner for my Uncle’s wedding. I was playing viola for one song when the bridesmaids walked down the aisle. So i went to that and left my boyfriend and daughter at home. The neighbors were all outside drinking in the driveway (as usual) when I left. I got home at 9pm to a dark house, nobody was here. I had expected my daughter to be in bed. Nope. I texted my boyfriend to see where he was. Can you guess? He had run right over to hang out with the neighbors. So we did end up getting into a small fight, but I never told him about his loyalty. I have that like a wound in my heart. I did ask him what he thought about all of the ‘lawn spraying’ stuff and he played Devil’s Advocate as usual, telling me that I had hurt their feelings and how they had felt and how harsh i’m being. He did, finally, end up telling me that it actually did bother him that they are going to spray their lawn. Of course, I’ll be the bad guy. But if he can’t at least show people that he stands behind me, what is the f*#king point??? And usually the issue is protecting our daughter from harmful chemicals.

Sometimes in this quest I am on, this stand I have taken, I come up against people who really want to push their agenda on me, on us. Doesn’t that seem weird? i just want to be left alone, but there are people who actively try to push their chemicals on us. My boyfriend’s parents smoke, but they also refuse to stop smoking around our daughter. They think it is their choice, which it is, but i’m not going to actively put our daughter into that situation. Do you know how bad cigarette smoke is for kids? Second hand smoke is actually worse than 1st hand, and Third hand smoke is actually the worst. Third hand? Who has ever heard of that? Well, that’s the smoke that lingers in the air or sticks to your clothing.  It causes ear infections, lung infections, allergies, asthma, skin problems, of course cancers, etc. It can cause children’s cells’ DNA to change and grow abnormally, which can obviously cause many many problems.

But here is my point; I know that I am doing the right thing, but sometimes I get so tired of fighting every single person. My bf is always telling me that I’m too harsh, that I’m not forgiving, that I should just ‘let it go’ and I get so f*#king sick of it. Do you know how much I have to ‘let go’ every single day? Do you know how hard it is raising a child chemical free when every single person around you uses as many chemicals as possible?  I feel really alone. 

I’m not sure what to do about the neighbors. She did tell my boyfriend that she’s ‘not mad at me.’ I was like, wow. thanks. YOU’RE not mad at ME. YOU’re the one that wants to poison my daughter and whose friend INSULTED me on fb, but YOU’re not mad at ME. Gosh, thanks! That’s so sweet. [Her friend pulled up last night and i was thinking that I should go out and ‘harass’ her car- maybe i should teach her what the word ‘harass’ means… but i was good. I didn’t do crap but stomp around here, wasting good energy on a bad person as usual.]

All I want to do is protect my family and the Earth. Why TF is that so hard to understand???PREM over and out.

The Ol’ Days

God I miss the old days. When I was single and I’d meet people and be friends with them. Or not. Based on whether I liked them or they liked me. Or if they made me laugh or I made them laugh. Or even if we just happened to always find ourselves at the same place at the same time. We had fun, we hung out, we were spontaneous, we were irresponsible. Then you get a significant other, and then you have to hang out with other couples. It starts getting harder. You both have to like them both, or at least tolerate them. You have to like to do at least one thing together, whether it be going out for drinks, or movies, or bowling… whatever. But then you have kids and all the spontaneity is gone. And you not only have to like this other couple, but you have to at least tolerate their offspring. And your parenting styles have to mesh somehow.  And it becomes so impossible to meet and get along with other families that the probability of it working out is like 1/1,000,000,000. Seriously, it’d be easier to win the lottery. And then try being a vegetarian and finding other families that can either be vegetarian or deal with it without making a huge fuss over it. Ha. And then try having dreads and tattoos and skull plugs and see if anyone wants to hang out with you. Double ha. And then add in being a chemical free family and you’re just screwed. I admit I’ve met some really nice people lately. And i would love to hang out with them as friends, maybe as a couple friendship. We like to drink. We like to go out and have fun.  But then add in the kids… well… I’m not gonna go into it, but it is not working out. Why does it have to be so freakin’ hard?!? I keep thinking that if we could just get out of this midwest conservative area, we could meet people that we would mesh with easier. When we visited Austin, there were crazy, chemical free, tattooed people everywhere. I didn’t stand out like some gangrenous thumb. It’s not that i’m judging people, it just gets awkward when your daughter wants to play with other kids, and ends up coming home with blue lips from the chemical “blue juice”, eyeshadow and  marker all over her face, wearing clothes that smell like a hooker slept in them for a week straight, and telling me about all the candy she has eaten. So much for our “chemical free” life. She just ingested enough to make up for the last three years. And they’re constantly asking us how our “dandelion salad” is or to pick up some seaweed for them at the store. Too bad they don’t even realize that those foods are jokes to them but are actually in the cupboard at this moment.

So obviously it is me.

But i sure do miss the old days. Punkrockearthmother sad. again. over and out.