breakin’ the law

Taking my daughter to the ‘natural doctor’ today. She is soooo allergic to cats and it has gotten out of hand. My friend has cats and was sitting in our car in the front with my daughter in the back seat behind her, and my daughter started sneezing and her nose began to run.¬† Because she was in the same car as someone with cats. Yikes. This natural doctor is technically a chiropractor with other fields of study such as nutrition and acupuncture. Hopefully homeopathy, too. It is out of pocket since they don’t take most insurance, so it’ll be expensive. I wonder how these doctors can even make a living. I would love to become a naturopath, but they’re not even licensed in most states. Most insurance won’t cover ‘natural’ treatments, and the universities aren’t even offered federal student aid. Trust me, i have looked into it.

I’ve been feeling guilty, like our chem-free lifestyle has somehow created an allergy within my daughter. Or something she eats has made her so allergic. She was fine with cats until about last year at this time. My mother lived with us and she has two cats. But suddenly, one day, my daughter started coughing when she was around the cats, and then she started getting puffy, and it became bad within a week. It is so strange. Luckily we were moving out at that time, and so we are now cat free, but she can’t even be in my mom’s house any more than a few minutes. Yesterday we had to go over and she was inside the house for no more than 10 minutes. She must’ve touched something and then touched her eye, because her eyelids swelled and got purple and it looked like she had gotten punched.¬† But she never coughed, though, which is what she usually does. So that was strange.
I just think our society is so messed up. We can’t even choose the way we heal. We are pretty much forced by insurance companies and by pharmaceutical companies to go with medications and medical doctors that will only choose that route. I am so against all of that. I know that my daughter’s doctor would just tell me to give her Benedryl or offer some time of shot or medication. They would never ask about her nutrition or lifestyle. Nutrition can cure at least 90% of all ailments. No joke. But typical western medical doctors don’t have to learn anything about nutrition-they usually take 1 semester or less of nutrition. Crazy, huh? Other countries heal with nutrition. Ours ‘heals’ with drugs that tend to make us more sick and break something else within our body. They want us sick and broken and tied to some medication forever. Unhealthy America.

off the soapbox for the day. over and out.

The Fallout

Friday after all that shit went down, I had to go out at night to a Rehearsal Dinner for my Uncle’s wedding. I was playing viola for one song when the bridesmaids walked down the aisle. So i went to that and left my boyfriend and daughter at home. The neighbors were all outside drinking in the driveway (as usual) when I left. I got home at 9pm to a dark house, nobody was here. I had expected my daughter to be in bed. Nope. I texted my boyfriend to see where he was. Can you guess? He had run right over to hang out with the neighbors. So we did end up getting into a small fight, but I never told him about his loyalty. I have that like a wound in my heart. I did ask him what he thought about all of the ‘lawn spraying’ stuff and he played Devil’s Advocate as usual, telling me that I had hurt their feelings and how they had felt and how harsh i’m being. He did, finally, end up telling me that it actually did bother him that they are going to spray their lawn. Of course, I’ll be the bad guy. But if he can’t at least show people that he stands behind me, what is the f*#king point??? And usually the issue is protecting our daughter from harmful chemicals.

Sometimes in this quest I am on, this stand I have taken, I come up against people who really want to push their agenda on me, on us. Doesn’t that seem weird? i just want to be left alone, but there are people who actively try to push their chemicals on us. My boyfriend’s parents smoke, but they also refuse to stop smoking around our daughter. They think it is their choice, which it is, but i’m not going to actively put our daughter into that situation. Do you know how bad cigarette smoke is for kids? Second hand smoke is actually worse than 1st hand, and Third hand smoke is actually the worst. Third hand? Who has ever heard of that? Well, that’s the smoke that lingers in the air or sticks to your clothing.¬† It causes ear infections, lung infections, allergies, asthma, skin problems, of course cancers, etc. It can cause children’s cells’ DNA to change and grow abnormally, which can obviously cause many many problems.

But here is my point; I know that I am doing the right thing, but sometimes I get so tired of fighting every single person. My bf is always telling me that I’m too harsh, that I’m not forgiving, that I should just ‘let it go’ and I get so f*#king sick of it. Do you know how much I have to ‘let go’ every single day? Do you know how hard it is raising a child chemical free when every single person around you uses as many chemicals as possible?¬† I feel really alone.¬†

I’m not sure what to do about the neighbors. She did tell my boyfriend that she’s ‘not mad at me.’ I was like, wow. thanks. YOU’RE not mad at ME. YOU’re the one that wants to poison my daughter and whose friend INSULTED me on fb, but YOU’re not mad at ME. Gosh, thanks! That’s so sweet. [Her friend pulled up last night and i was thinking that I should go out and ‘harass’ her car- maybe i should teach her what the word ‘harass’ means… but i was good. I didn’t do crap but stomp around here, wasting good energy on a bad person as usual.]

All I want to do is protect my family and the Earth. Why TF is that so hard to understand???PREM over and out.

SUper SUper SUUUUUper

Ok so here’s what happened yesterday after I posted on fb. (What I posted was actually one post- but you know how fb only lets you put so much in each comment, so it ended up being 2 posts.) So it was about the chemicals in pesticides and what they do- they cause cancer to kids. I had never actually gotten to say that to my neighbor, so now everyone knew.) Well,¬† first one of my ‘friends’ posted on there about how pesticides/herbicides are bad for dogs as well, and that he would never spray, and couldn’t understand how anyone could. So then my neighbor’s bf gets on there and FREAKS THE F*#K OUT. First she said that it was everyone’s choice and everything causes cancer and we should live in a bubble if we were so worried about stuff that wasn’t a big deal and people should basically mind their own business. So then my ‘friend’ writes back and says that in that mentality, you should just hand your kids a cig and be done. He then went on to say that some things are worse than others and you should try to control what you can, especially the big stuff, and especially if you have kids. So then the bf REALLY freaks and says yeah, but that people are being HARASSED over this and she couldn’t understand, especially as the people being HARASSED are such SPECTACULAR parents!!!¬†¬†¬† I was like… huh? Harassed? REally? Now i wanted to write back so badly, but I didn’t. What i did do was try to contact my neighbor. I texted her straight up and said “Am I harassing you?”¬† Of course, no reply. I tried to think about what I had said… I had only nicely asked if there was any way to talk her out of spraying, and that I had lots of research on what it does to kids. She hadn’t said no. In fact, she asked me whether the stuff you can buy at the store is better or worse than buying from a company. I said its the same. Then i sent her two, TWO, texts that said i understood that its hard to accept when companies tell you its safe and its not and you start to believe that nothing actually is, and that can be really hard. That’s it. Now i thought this woman was my friend, sorta. So then I went and tried to talk to her. She didn’t answer her door. I went down the block looking for her but they all said she was home. So I texted again and finally she answered me and said that her friend was just expressing her opinion, just as mine was. And that they had our backs. I said i barely knew the guy. She said Oh, well he had kindof offended her. I said well he actually wasn’t speaking to YOU (specifically) but¬†she said he was because she sprays her lawn.¬† So she was obviously offended by that guy and felt like I had told everybody about this tiny little incident… whatever. So i apologized. profusely. She said that the company she was using had a ‘just fertilizer’ treatment and she was going to think about it and work it out and did i want to have a look at the website?¬† I told her that it was very nice that she was offering to let me have a look and everything but ultimately it was her choice and she should do what she wants. Which is what I felt from the beginning, and why I had asked if there was any way I could talk her out of it, instead of just telling her what I thought straight out.

But the problem comes in because of my glorious overthinking mind. ¬† Why did I feel like I needed to apologize? I hate that! Obviously none of these people have even turned the product around to look at the warnings on the back or asked what was in the “WARNING: POISON” truck when it pulled up to their house. They just accepted that something that would kill weeds in their yard and left a sign that says “don’t walk on the grass” would be perfectly acceptable to let their kids and animals play in without another thought.¬† RRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

And now I can’t post anything on fb in case they think it is about them, even though I have been posting all year about spraying on lawns, taking out the tires on the chemlawn trucks, and chemicals and how bad they are.

I’m soooo tired of being the bad guy. To be honest, I really was trying to help. I thought if I could just share my research with my neighbor/friend, I know she would want to know. I know I read more than most people, and i do way too much thinking and research. I thought she would appreciate the knowledge. If i were doing something to hurt my child I would hope that I would either read about it or someone would tell me. But she just took it like I was attacking her, like she had cooked up those delicious pesticides on the stove and I told her I wouldn’t eat that junk. Whatever.

I sincerely hope we can all learn how bad this stuff is for you. Thankfully, there is actually a product that can get rid of the pesticides in our bodies and repair some of the damage. But is that enough?

over and out-prem

Mother F*#@*er Puddin’ Pie, Kick the Boys N Make them Cry

This is me swearing right now.

I begged my neighbor not to spray. I told her I would lovingly come and pluck out any weeds she might get. She said she was going to talk to her husband. That means they are spraying. She said “sorry we are upsetting you.” Yeah, UNDERSTATEMENT. You are poisoning your children, my child, the water, my dog, my boyfriend, and me, but that’s what it means to you- you’re ‘UPSETTING’ me.¬† So I just posted a few more things on fb about pesticides, but i’m sure that her and her crew are sitting over there laughing at me. Cuz, you know, i’m just a ‘crazy vegetarian hippy’ and i’m just making these things up about how bad spraying your lawn is.

This is from ehow;

“Some of the most common chemicals found in TruGreen ChemLawn products include prodiamine (found in Barricade herbicides), imidacloprid (Merit) and carbaryl (Sevin), though there are many others
Some chemicals, such as prodiamine, have relatively mild toxicity, but they have been known to cause cancer and disrupt endocrine, reproductive and/or neurological functioning in cases of long-term exposure. Others can cause severe poisoning”
Even the EPA has a dangers sheet for pesticides and herbicides. It seems completely obvious to me.
Here’s the thing, though; living in the suburbs of the suburbs, I have to get used to the fact that most of these people don’t worry about chemicals. I live every day trying to keep my mouth shut while I see people giving their kids soda, chicken nuggets, wiping them down with wet wipes, watching them buy styrofoam plates and toss them away, etc. I open my windows to get fresh air and all i can smell is my neighbors’ laundry softener.¬† Chemicals are everywhere, and it is actually hard to find any stores out here that even sell natural or organic products, much less find people who actually care enough to buy them. So this fact of life for me is to just shut up and do the best I can for MY family. My neighbors actually one day asked me if i used vinegar to clean my house and I said yes, and they then proceeded to tell me about how they use this one cleanser and they know it is horrible for them, but they just love the SMELL, and they then continued to laugh and giggle about that. And I stood there not knowing what the f*#k to say. I could have come up with about 10 different responses at that point, but none of them would have allowed any kind of continued polite relationship between us afterwards. I mean, am I supposed to think it is funny that they choose the smell of a certain product over their own and their families’ health?¬† WOW that is HILARIOUS!!! But I kept my mouth clamped shut and nodded and laughed a little for their benefit (Heh heh, boy that is funny) and mostly cuz I could picture my boyfriend’s face when I told him that I told the neighbors that they were shitty mothers and shouldn’t be allowed to have kids if they weren’t going to protect them…
BUT OH YEAH my point…
Mostly I keep my mouth shut. [And in an aside, so you know my history, I have been studying chemicals and researching them pretty much daily for over 7 years now, and I really want to be a naturopath. I’ll give my complete history of this in another blog] But in this instance, where this chemical is being directly poured onto the grass and is going to end up in my yard and is so blatantly bad for everyone and everything involved, i felt that I really really had to speak up. My conscience demanded it. Because not only am I going to absolutely see the effects of what these people do immediately in dead bugs and maybe even a dead rabbit or two, my dog is going to be quickly sickened by this application, and I am in a quandry of what to do about this. She is a little runty bulldog, and barely juts out of the grass. I feel obligated to her to try to protect her, but HOW?!? If I could i’d take her somewhere else to go potty. i could bathe her after she comes in, but then she is already exposed and i’d also be bathing her 3-5 times a day, which would be bad for her, too.
These people are KILLING ME. I’ve been stressed about one thing or another that they do since the day we moved in. It has been almost a year now.
My challenge; finding a way to keep my mouth shut when she either texts me and says “Sorry, but we’re going to spray”, or just sprays and doesn’t say anything, or I see her and she tells me offhandedly, “Oh, btw…”
Do you ever have retaliation fantasies? Cuz I totally do. Let’s end with that, shall we???
What would be equal to them poisoning us??? Hmmmm…
Well, taking them to court would be funny. But too long term.
Oh so sorry i just buried a leaking nuclear waste barrel in your backyard? Does that upset you???   Too messy.
Oh did you not want me to dump arsenic on your yard? I use it to kill straying children.   Too much?
(I’m finding this difficult as obviously they don’t consider much to be off- putting; if they were vegetarians I could easily think of things to squeam them out)
Oh I’m sorry, did you not want your children smoking weed? You think it’s bad for kids? Where’s that evidence? I don’t believe it!¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Stupid idea-
UGH I GIVE UP. Any ideas out there?
 
PREM exhausted and disgusted and hating entire human race (except you of course)

Poison Poison All Around

So my neighbors are all spraying their grass this week. I want to vomit. I want to stage a sit in. I want to go over there with all of my research and show them how horrible it is for them, their kids, plants, birds, bunnies, squirrels, our water supply… Ugh. Doesn’t it seem obvious to you? The packaging on those poisons says “Warning; poisonous; do not ingest.” It says it is “harmful or deadly to animals and wildlife.” The EPA’s website actually says “Pesticides cause cancer in children” in bold print. Right out in the open. This is the EPA admitting that. And yet people continue to choose the way their lawn looks over the health of themselves, and their children. And, because we are right next door, they are choosing to poison MY CHILD and MY DOG, and MY VEGETABLE GARDEN, and MY BOYFRIEND. And ME DAMMIT!!! Is that fair? I was wondering if I could take them to court for spraying my lawn with their over-spray. I bet I could at the very least make a huge stink and alert more people to the dangers of pesticides and herbicides. I’m making a last bid to beg my neighbor (who is actually a nice person) to not spray hers. I might just make her hate me. I tend to do that quite easily. I’m sure my boyfriend will be super-pissed to find out that I would even attempt to talk them out of it.¬†I’m being nice. ūüėČ

Could someone please explain it to me? I guess they think it’s like a small price to pay for a beautiful lawn. Your lawn defines you, don’t you know. It actually says something about your manhood. Same with your car.

BAH!!!!

Punkrockearthmother fostering a maddening bubble of rage within.

The Ol’ Days

God I miss the old days. When I was single and I’d meet people and be friends with them. Or not. Based on whether I liked them or they liked me. Or if they made me laugh or I made them laugh. Or even if we just happened to always find ourselves at the same place at the same time. We had fun, we hung out, we¬†were spontaneous, we were irresponsible. Then you get a significant other, and then you have to hang¬†out with other couples. It starts getting harder. You both have to like them both, or at least tolerate them. You have to like to do at least one thing together, whether it be going out for drinks, or movies, or bowling… whatever.¬†But then you have kids and all the spontaneity¬†is gone. And you not only have to like this other couple, but you have to at least tolerate their offspring. And your parenting¬†styles have to mesh somehow. ¬†And it becomes so impossible to meet and get along with other families that the probability of it working out is like 1/1,000,000,000. Seriously, it’d be easier to win the lottery. And then try being a vegetarian and finding other families that can either be vegetarian or deal with it without making a huge fuss over it. Ha. And then try having dreads and tattoos and skull plugs and see if anyone wants to hang out with you.¬†Double ha.¬†And then add in being a chemical free family and you’re just screwed. I admit I’ve met some really nice people lately. And i¬†would love to hang out with them as friends, maybe as a couple friendship. We like to drink. We like to go¬†out and have fun. ¬†But then add in the kids… well… I’m not gonna go into it, but it is not working out. Why does it have to be so freakin’ hard?!? I keep thinking that if we could just get out of this midwest conservative area, we could meet people that we would mesh with easier. When we visited Austin, there were crazy, chemical free, tattooed people everywhere. I didn’t stand out like some gangrenous thumb. It’s not that i’m judging people, it just gets awkward when your daughter wants to play with other kids, and ends up coming home with blue lips from the chemical “blue juice”, eyeshadow and¬† marker all over her face, wearing clothes that smell like a hooker slept in them for a week straight, and telling me about all the candy she has eaten. So much for our “chemical free” life. She just ingested enough to make up for the last three years. And they’re constantly asking us how our “dandelion salad” is or to pick up some seaweed for them at the store. Too bad they don’t even realize that those foods are jokes to them but are actually in the cupboard at this moment.

So obviously it is me.

But i sure do miss the old days. Punkrockearthmother sad. again. over and out.

TAke It AWay

So… I have crossed my own “too much” line lately. My body is in revolt.

I have¬†been trying¬†to give up sugar. Sugar is awful for you, mostly processed, toxic, and trashes your moods, hormones, etc. But i am a frickin addict. I need a meeting, seriously. I have been known to sit down and eat an entire bag of sour gummy worms in one sitting. I remember vacations and parties by my candy of choice for that period of time. A certain trip to Wisconsin reminds me of Pixie Stix. Junior High is Tart and Tinys. Softball is Wacky Wafers (which they don’t make any more, incidentally- i’ve searched and searched). Now, granted, it has been a long while since I have sat and polished off a pound of hard candy. I have really really slowed down in the past year. Having a child really makes you account for everything you say and do, and I can’t say, “No, you can’t have that!” and then sit there and eat it later. WRONG!!! (Although, I can remember my own mother doing that to me-maybe that’s where my addiction started?!?)¬†¬† ANYWAYS…

I have been giving a lot of things up in the past few years, and I think sugar might be just toooooo much. It started when I quit drinking soda about 8? years ago. I was a diet soda-aholic. I was Queen Diet Coke. I would have a 32 oz. soda for breakfast. I drank at least a 6 pack a day. Then¬†I read that caramel color was bad for you, and then I started thinking about soda and how disgusting it looks. I mean seriously, brown soda looks like sludge. You can pour it on your car battery and it eats away the rust and acid. Really?!? And then i put that into my body? Seems like a bad idea. So i had to wean myself off of it. Then I quit smoking. Sad, sad times. Then I quit chemical cleaners (though i still adore the smell of comet. sigh.). Then I quit meat (which actually was the easiest thing for me). But see you get the idea. I have tried to quit makeup and hair dye, too… yeah, that’s not workin’ out so good, either. Makeup is easiest because there are natural replacements. And being a stay-at-home mom… well, let’s just say i don’t wear it much anyways. What’s the point? Hair dye is a hard one, too. i tried henna and it drives me insane. It is cool putting green thick glop on your head, and it makes my hair so healthy and natural, but so far, the color leaves me wanting. I do love a good purple. Purple henna? Not so much. Maybe if i threw some blueberries into the henna…¬†¬†¬†¬† Ok i am losing my train…

So I’m still working on the hair dye. I tried synthetic dreadlocks for color, and that way I could leave my natural hair color and change dreads all the time and have whatever color i want, but I am allergic to them. It is also like trying to sleep on a bail of hay- not super comfy. Not condusive to sleeping, especially as I can’t sleep anyways. So now I am considering real dreads. I could put extensions on with colors on the tips of my own hair. I just don’t want to look like a hippy. No offense, but I really prefer the goth dread look. Hair is an accessory- it should be different colors.

But sugar… i love it. Since I’ve given it up i feel like I have given up everything. I feel like there is nothing to wake up for. My mouth is so bored I think my tongue has packed its bags and left. I’m not even craving sugar anymore, it just feels… empty. lonely. I’ve tried honey and yogurt and other things to give my mouth something to look forward to, but nothing works. Of course i’m also feeling better, no headaches, no afternoon energy crashes… Interesting. Such a trade off. So I don’t know. I guess I just push on. Maybe I can get addicted to something else that I won’t have to take away. But what the hell is left, seriously?!? Salsa? cocoa powder? sniffing baking soda?

punkrockearthmother sad.

overandout.

It’s ok to be a virgin

Getting started is hard. But this is why i’m here; I am alone. And it is my fault. I realized that i’ve been hiding. I enter into situations with a closed heart. I am terrified of girls/women and i always start things off¬†feeling like they are going to end. Then there is the fact that I am weird, and I feel like I don’t fit in. Nobody wants to hear about the things i am interested in. Well, nobody around here. I’m vegetarian in a small suburban town. I do weird things to my hair. I dress funny. I have skulls all around my house. I am nearly chemical free in my lifestyle. These things are opposite of the beliefs of pretty much anyone i come into contact with. (Plus i’m a stay-at-home mom so i meet very few people anymore!) So then i enter into social situations believing that nobody will like me or that everyone will think i’m strange. So of course they do! I even avoid my friends because I feel like i have nothing to contribute. But I guess I’d like to change that. I need to stop being afraid; to enter in with an open heart and not be afraid to get hurt. I’d like to have friends and a social life and be able to express myself openly. I just don’t want it to hurt.